My liver just broke up with me...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched a dick in church today
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize