All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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