my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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