I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
