Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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