I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
