You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
