I need help removing her.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
