im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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