she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
