I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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