dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
