I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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