idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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