I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
