Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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