I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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