If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
