Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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