If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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