worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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