after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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