You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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