Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
