It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize