The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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