DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
