You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
