So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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