Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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