Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
