My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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