have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
