dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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