If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
