btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
