4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why didn't you poke me back
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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