This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
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To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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