During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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