I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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