if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
