i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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