I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
