I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
