I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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