Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
