Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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