LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
