Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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