I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
