Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
