I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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