i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
