dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
