oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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