that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
