yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what day is it and did you see me today?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
