I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this will be a night to untag.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
