We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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