Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
