You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
