So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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