So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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