i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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