Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
