barbara walters just said penis...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize