No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
