ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
